If you’ve ever hired someone to help you with a technical project, you’re probably familiar with the dictum that you have to double the time and budget estimates if you want to get a realistic estimate of when you can launch and how much it will cost you.

That’s because when you enter Tech Land, you’ve entered a realm where words mean something very different than they do in everyday English. Techies like to think of a clean, ordered world, where things are as they should be. The more experienced have had a bit of that knocked out of them, but the normal speech of a techie is, ahem, aspirational. They often speak of how things *ought* to be, not how they are. None of us are completely immune from this malady, but in Tech Land it’s epidemic.

So, if you ever hear a software engineer tell you something is “trivial” — be very very scared. It’s a sure sign that he (he’s almost always male, often painfully so) doesn’t know how to do it. When something’s familiar, you’ll get a litany of all the complicating factors. But he probably read about it in some forum, and it *ought* to be easy.

Similarly, NEVER ask if something is possible. The answer is always “yes” but what you are not told is the silent caveat: “…given sufficient time and money.”

I’m working on a glossary to help people translate aspirational tech-talk into real-world expectations, but here’s the transcript of an IM conversation with a sterling example of the tech tribe, whom I dearly love.

AVC - (presenting plan and budget) Can you do this?
AB - Absolutely
AVC - Can you get it done by the due date?
AB - Yep
AVC - Can we get it done using this budget?
AB - Yes, could do
AVC - Can you get it done in this time *and* with this budget
AB - If you can get someone to work for free
AVC - So you can’t do this by yourself?
AB - Yes, I can
AVC - But not by the due date…
AB - I could…
AVC - But not with the other stuff you’re doing?
AB - Yes
AVC - Meaning no, you can’t get it done and do your other work too….
AB - Not without help
AVC - Which costs money
AB - Normally
AVC - So this current plan of you doing this by yourself by this date and with this budget won’t work
AB - Not without divine intervention
AVC - So when you said “absolutely”, you meant “absolutely not”?
AB - Absolutely

Those of you who know “AB” will find this endearingly familiar. But it’s not just him. When you’re talking to a techie, be very very careful not to assume anything — dig out the possible ambiguities in everything you say and hear — or you’ll be sorry…

Posted by Antony in: General